August

Well it is now nearing the end of August. My birthday has come and gone, and though many have done things to help me celebrate... I'm just not there. Physically I am, I'm laughing, smiling, joking around. But on the inside my heart still aches.
This weekend is your 21st birthday Randall. I never thought I wouldn't be able to give you a hug and kiss.

My thoughts go back to what could have been. How could we have changed this for you Randall? Is there something we could have said or done to make this different?
Many say "There's a reason for everything." And though I appreciate their thoughts and prayers, to me a comment like that in a time like this just doesn't make any sense.
SO WHAT'S THE REASON? PLEASE... SOMEONE TELL ME THE REASON FOR MY 20 YEAR OLD BROTHER BEING TAKEN FROM US!!!

I cry every time I play with Emilio Randall, because i know how proud you were to finally have a nephew, someone you could play ball with, you could rough-house with... and now your gone. Emilio will never know what it's like to play with his Uncle Randall. Though you played together when he was a baby, he was just too young to understand.
I have pictures of you and him in his room, he kisses them every day. It sounds like this, " mmmmmmuuhh!"

I miss you so much Randall, daily I think of you. I fall asleep looking at pictures of you every night.

This weekend will make it three months since you've been gone.
I want time to stop time, another month cannot go by without me seeing you. As it gets further away, does your memory go as well? that's my fear... i must keep you alive within me somehow.

I'll see you Saturday Randall, I love you! Give Abba a hug for me.
Your big sis, Brandi